I’ve been wondering if I should change the titles on my blogs. I thought of using “Year 2 – Day x” or giving them logical titles like “Drink less, pee less, a win-win for everyone!” but I think I’ll stick with what I’ve been doing. It’s worked so far and I don’t want to break the streak.
As I look back, I realize year one was a selfish year. I worried about me. I wrote about me. I spent a lot of time in my head. Then again, maybe that’s what I needed to do. I’m still in survival mode, which I guess, turns the gaze inward but this journey has taught me many lessons. Maybe I can use those lessons as I turn my gaze outward. It’s time for me to rejoin society and, hopefully, make a positive impact on it.
So here’s my plan. First I need a long term job. I’m currently working with my friend. It’s great but the work is seasonal. Soon the season will end. Also, while this job has been fun, it hasn’t really lifted me out of poverty. I could use something a bit more stable and lucrative. I’ve had one interview and I have a couple more next week. Wish me luck. If I can stabilize my financial situation, I can finally shift of out survival gear and into living gear.
Stability leads to the second item in the plan – give back to the community. Unemployment and debt lead to a financial abyss that swallows too many people. If I can find my way out of that abyss, maybe I can help others find a way out. I hope that doesn’t sound presumptuous. I’m not a saint or savior. I just realize that despite my struggles I’ve been lucky because, even though I denied it, I’ve had a safety net all along. Not everyone does. I want to change that.
I’ve come to the realization that stuff is bad. I have too much stuff. I have a house that I’m “renting” out. I put rent in quotes because I’m losing money on it. Money I don’t have. The rent is barely enough to cover the mortgage and there is always something to fix. It’s turned into a big brick money pit. I bought it back when I was swilling my way up the corporate ladder. I think I whacked my face on each of the rungs as I fell.
Then there’s my car. Cars suck. Cars are evil. Imagine how much less stress we’d suffer if we didn’t have to drive. Imagine how much cleaner and calmer our world would be. Imagine how much more financial stability each of us would enjoy. Anyone want to buy a 2010 Prius?
I just keep sinking deeper into debt. It’s like quicksand and I can’t seem to get out. I now have a job but it pays just a shade over minimum wage. It’s like putting a tissue over a severed artery.
And my back hurts. WTF?
If anyone out there has any advice about how to manage crushing debt and unpayable bills please let known. Oh, a cure for back pain wouldn’t hurt either (pardon the pun). Or better yet, are you a rich benefactor who’d like to buy a car and a house in Tucson? I’ll even cook you dinner. I think I’d make a fine manservant. Bill Gates, are you reading this?
OK, enough self pity. Somehow this will all resolve by and by. I’m trying to take the Buddhist approach of impermanence. In other words, I’m trying to truly appreciate good things because I know they won’t last forever. But mostly I’m trying not to freak out about the bad things because they too will pass.
Also, I’ve got momentum. Sure my job is piddly but it’s a job. It will lead to a better job. A better job means a more absorbent tissue on the artery. Maybe I’ll work my way up to a paper towel.
Even if it all goes fakakte, what’s the worst that can happen? I go bankrupt, lose my stuff (which I don’t want anyway) and end up drifting from situation to situation (which is what I’m doing now). Hell, if I get that far down I might even qualify for some sort of help. Woot! Oh well, I know some people who would take me in if I start living on the street. I guess things can’t be that bad. Yeah baby, keep rockin’ in the free world!