I’ve been taking some long hiatuses (is that the correct plural for hiatus?) between posts but I’ll try to correct that. I’m working swing shift now so I can hit the library during the day. I don’t have internet access where I live so the library is my internet lifeline.
It’s been 306 days since my last drink. I’ve had my taste of good and bad over those 306 days. The bad – unemployment, crushing debt, depression, loneliness, and (worst of all) the death of my dog. But it hasn’t been all bad. The good – I’ve stayed sober, I moved to a cool place in the country (thus the lack of internet access), I got accepted to grad school, I found a job (albeit a shitty one but, hey, money is money), and I’ve witnessed the divine in the generosity of my friends and family.
I’ve also learned some hard lessons. A year ago I was an arrogant drunk. My resume lists job titles like Vice President, Executive Director, and Regional Manager. I wasn’t just an ordinary schmuck. I was an executive dammit! And yeah, I was pretty fucking full of myself. Now, I’m a laborer pushing parts around a manufacturing floor. People who would have been my minions 2 years ago are now my bosses. I’m not trying to sound pretentious, and I apologize if I do, I’m just trying to relate my fall from grace. But you know what, I don’t regret this storm-ridden journey. I needed a good serving of humble pie in empathy sauce. I’d like to say that I’m a better person because of it but I’m probably not. At least I’m learning. That’s a start. Maybe, somehow, this whole crazy experience will forge me into a worthy man. I don’t know if it’s possible but hope keeps telling me it is. (She’s still hanging around. I can’t seem to get rid of her.)
Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll climb back into the Olympian tier of executive management but if I do, I hope I’ve learned from this experience. I hope I’ll be a leader of compassion and fairness, not a typical, self absorbed douche bag. I’ve already played that role and I wasn’t very good at it. Or maybe I’ll never climb those heights again and I’ll live a humble life. I’m OK with that too. In fact, I’d prefer it.
Here’s to a humble life. May we be so fortunate to have one.