Wow. It’s been a long time since I rock and roll. I’ve been offline for 27 days to be exact. Most of that time I’ve been working. This is my first weekend off in 3 weeks. It’s a back braking pace but I need the money. Between work and some serious blues I haven’t had any energy to write. But I’ve stayed dry. Somehow.
Last night I had a dream about being drunk in a bar. I woke up covered in sweat just like I used too when I drank. I can’t say the dream was pleasant or nightmarish. It just was. It reminded me of the life I’ve left behind. Maybe it was a reminder of the truth because lately, I’ve wanted a drink because I’m drowning in the big suck. Work is painful drudgery. I’m woefully underemployed. I’m barely making ends meet but only if I work 7 days a week. My life is going nowhere. In what little spare time I have, I’ve tried to send out resumes. They disappear into the cloud. I’ve tried for 8 permanent positions at the place where I’m temping and I’ve been rejected for all of them. Karma is kicking my fucking ass.
I’ve thought about taking the big sleep. Robin Williams death has driven that point home but hope keeps hounding me. That little pixie bitch won’t leave me alone. She keeps telling me something is about to break loose. Things will get better. Just hang in there. So I do.
It’s been 9 months since my last drink and 9 seconds since my last craving and 9 times that hope has whispered in my ear.