Feeling blue today. Not sure why. It’s a beautiful day – sunny and warm but not oppressive. Then again, after living in Tucson, my gage for oppressive heat is pretty high. Nonetheless, it’s a fine day. I guess I’m blue because I have no one to share this day with.
I admit it. I’m lonely. I’m tired of going through this shit by myself. I can’t even hang out with my dog anymore. I tried AA for a while but that made me even more depressed. Every time I left a meeting I wanted to drink more than when I went in. This blog has been my AA. And I don’t want a drink. I want a companion.
I wouldn’t even think about hanging with my roommates. Although I finally figured out the motivation behind Herself’s uncommon civility of late. This morning she asked me if I could pay $100 advance on rent for next month. I told her I didn’t think I’d stay for another month. She took it surprisingly well and said, “OK, I guess I’ll look for a new roommate.” When I got back from doing some shopping there was a car parked in my space. Apparently, she didn’t wait for rigor mortis to set in.
Oh well, I think I’ve been too harsh on Herself and Husband. (At least I hope I have.) I don’t think they’re necessarily bad people. They’re just poor and desperate. Unfortunately, I’m learning that song myself. It’s hard to be considerate when you’re in constant survival mode. It’s easy for the affluent to point out a lack of social grace in the poor. But the affluent don’t live one minor misfortune away from the street and inescapable poverty. Try sleeping with that sword of Damocles hanging over your bed; see how neighborly you feel in the morning. Ultimately, I don’t wish Herself and Husband any ill. But I can’t continue to live there. I hope it works out for all of us. I hope they find a roommate who fits in. I hope I find pleasant accommodations.
Here’s to hope.