There are good days and there are not-so-good days. Yesterday was the latter. I wrote this:
I’m suffering from Irritable Me Syndrome today. It’s sort of like Irritable Bowel Syndrome except my plumbing is fine. It’s my attitude that needs relief. Sometimes I wonder if I’m completely fucked up or if normal people also ride this emotional roller coaster. I mean, I know everyone goes through ups and downs but mine don’t seem to have impetus. It’s as if the scientific paradigm of cause and effect breaks down inside my head. Or perhaps my mind is a causal system unto itself. If I have another life, I hope I get better equipment. I don’t need to be handsome or smart or motivated. Those can all go to someone else. I just want to be happy. But I’ll take emotionally stable.
I wasn’t going to publish it but if I’m going to be honest about this experience I need to put down the good and the bad. Ironically enough, I didn’t feel the urge to drink. I just felt grumpy. I went for a long walk and met a friend for coffee. That helped. By the end of the day exhaustion took over and all I felt was tired. All in all, I guess it was the best of a bad day.