I blog. My only issue with blogging is the word itself. “Blog” sounds like a gastrointestinal disorder. As in, “Dude, I think I’m coming down with the blog. Open your window in case I tweet.” In general, social media hasn’t done any favors for the English lexicon. That’s just my humble opinion.

I’m writing about nonsense because I’ve got the jitters about my upcoming GRE. I can’t say I have full-grown stomach butterflies but there are definitely a few caterpillars down there. God, that’s a disgusting metaphor.

As I write this, I’m in a coffee joint and a woman comes over to my table and asks if she can plug in her smart phone.

“Of course,” say I. I note the screen is cracked and scratched and make the observation, “Looks like that guy has seen some use.”

“It was having fun,” she replies in what sounds like a really condescending tone.

I didn’t understand her response so I thought that she misunderstood what I said. I pressed on.

“Oh. I was just referring to the cracks in your phone’s screen.”

“It was having fun,” she replies even more emphatically.

Ooookaayyy. Point and match to you, Madame. Your bizarre declaration, in duplicate, brooks no response. Now I remember why I used to drink so much.