Still here. I went to see a lawyer last week and he flaked. How sad is that? I’m getting cosy here in the belly of the whale but that was a first. I’ve been stood up on dates but never for a business meeting. Oh well, I found a new lawyer and I’m supposed to see him on Friday. I’m going to the guy’s office so he can’t disappear but I’m calling a day ahead to make sure he remembers. It’s sad that I have to do that. These are lawyers. I’m going to pay one of them a lot of money I don’t have. You’d think they’d act professional, and keeping appointments seems like a basic tenant of professional behavior. I don’t want a drink but it’s situations like this that make me remember why I did.
It’s been a while but I’m still here. Life is in a kind of stasis. I have a part time job and I’m living with my dad. Things are OK but my finances are a wreck. I’m looking into bankruptcy. I need to do something to get back on my feet. Right now, I’m stuck in a whole I can’t seem to escape.
Otherwise, things are swell. I haven’t had a drink in over a year. The demons whimper every now and then but I’m in the habit of being sober. I’ve even been in a few bars. I drink water while my friends throw down whiskey. I’m not sure I could have done that one year ago. The best news is that my emotional health is much better. Alcohol damaged me far more than I realized. I’m not a doctor but I think the poison really messes with brain chemistry. The emotional and psychological destruction is far worse than anyone realizes. Year one was a maelstrom as my brain adjusted and healed. It’s been a slow recovery but I feel better. It’s been like riding a bronking bull for the last year and now he’s finally losing steam. He still bucks from time to time but the fire has gone out of him. It’s not a fun ride but it’s worth it. I’ll keep hanging on.
Still here. Still sober despite the season! Woot! Happy holidays.
Sorry I’ve taken a long hiatus from writing. If you’re reading this, I hope all is well and your having a good holiday season.
I’m still sober. I had a drunk dream the other night but thats the closest I’ve come to giving into the holiday alcohol push. I’ve been to parties and bars but have managed to avoid temptation. Whew.
I also have a steady job. Unfortunately, it’s only part time. But I’ll take what I can get. I contacted a lawyer about declaring bankruptcy. It looks like I’m going to have to go down that road. I’ve been swimming against the current and I still get forced further down river. Hopefully, I can reboot and finally get back on my feet.
The upside of this whole tale is that I’m still living with my dad. We’re both better for it. I’m not worried about ending up on the street and we keep each other company. I think it’s helping him healthwise too. He’s eating better and we’ve started to go for walks in the morning. It’s funny, but I wouldn’t be here except for my financial woes. So maybe things do happen for a reason (pardon the cliché). Either way, I’m thankful things have worked out like they have. I have a feeling 2015 will be a good year.
I’ve been wondering if I should change the titles on my blogs. I thought of using “Year 2 – Day x” or giving them logical titles like “Drink less, pee less, a win-win for everyone!” but I think I’ll stick with what I’ve been doing. It’s worked so far and I don’t want to break the streak.
As I look back, I realize year one was a selfish year. I worried about me. I wrote about me. I spent a lot of time in my head. Then again, maybe that’s what I needed to do. I’m still in survival mode, which I guess, turns the gaze inward but this journey has taught me many lessons. Maybe I can use those lessons as I turn my gaze outward. It’s time for me to rejoin society and, hopefully, make a positive impact on it.
So here’s my plan. First I need a long term job. I’m currently working with my friend. It’s great but the work is seasonal. Soon the season will end. Also, while this job has been fun, it hasn’t really lifted me out of poverty. I could use something a bit more stable and lucrative. I’ve had one interview and I have a couple more next week. Wish me luck. If I can stabilize my financial situation, I can finally shift of out survival gear and into living gear.
Stability leads to the second item in the plan – give back to the community. Unemployment and debt lead to a financial abyss that swallows too many people. If I can find my way out of that abyss, maybe I can help others find a way out. I hope that doesn’t sound presumptuous. I’m not a saint or savior. I just realize that despite my struggles I’ve been lucky because, even though I denied it, I’ve had a safety net all along. Not everyone does. I want to change that.
One year anniversary! I’m sitting in front of a fake fire listening to Christmas tunes with my dad. It may not be applause and fanfare but it’s a fine way to celebrate year 1.
I wanted to write something profound but I just can’t muster the diction. Instead I’d like to thank all of you who’ve shared this journey. And I wish you all the best on your own journeys. I’ll see you in year 2.
Love and respect,
Closing in on one year. Woot! At least this week I didn’t have any drunk revelers pontificating in my ear. That’s a bonus. All in all, life is good. I’m still looking for a long term job but I’ve survived up to this point. Year one was the year of survival. Here’s hoping year two is the year of living.